Confession

Hi, I'm 21 years old girl. Straight. Just got my BA degree in French Studies from Universitas Indonesia, the wildest intellectual playground in my country. I passed all of the subject in uni and achieve all the 144 credits only in 3.5 years. My GPA is upon 3, not in the top of the class.

Here in my country, when a girl hits 20 people start asking when you'll getting married. People refers to friends and relatives. They usually start by questioning about your boyfriend. To make you clear, I already hit 20 but I have no boyfriend. I'm straight. I have a crush in uni but they're nothing more than just a fresh meat to catch. The thing is, I always get excited when it comes to flirting but when I really got this fresh meat he's no longer got my issue. Point number one, I always want to go after something but when I get that thing, that's just it.

Second. As I'm straight I'm going to end up with a man, no? How can I end up with one of them if I already labelled them as the second gender? Yes, welcome to my world where women is the first (and maybe the one and only) gender. I'm sorry but I don't know how to put it delicately. I mean, men are careless, lazy ass, some of them are not so much clever, etc etc. They even incompetent in doing group work. Please, people. Clearly, for me, they CAN'T do anything but failing around. 

And what the society told me is gays are everywhere. Watch out, ladies! 

So, what's the point ending up with someone whose intellectually or mannerly below me? I wonder if only God is all powerful, He'd sent me a man who will never ever fail me and humiliate me and himself in the rest of this very short life.

I wanna tell my mother that I'm sorry not to put the wedding plan on my A-to do-list, I don't even know whether I have one. I know every mother must be eager to see their own daughter wedding but sorry mom, it won't happen very soon. I want to have my master degree, then my Ph.D, my career, my car, my flat, my branded bags, shoes, and cosmetics. ALL is mine. Just so I'm not sound so selfish maybe I can put this, I hope to find a miracle (red: man who won't fail me and humiliate himself and me in the rest of this very short life) when I enroll as a master student in Europe. That's all I want, dear God. If only you're reading my blog.

I don't know why I end up posting this kind of settling down thing instead of my graduation photos at the first place. But all I want to say is ONE DOESN'T SIMPLY GETTING MARRIED. You got me crystal clear, k?

-S